Welcome to Sassafrass
Why Sassafrass? Why Now?
Welcome to the world of Sassafrass. I’m creating her as both a source of accountability and a reminder of how I want to show up from here on out. This journey is personal and, hopefully, inspiring for anyone who’s ready to let go of limitations.
I grew up in a fundamental, independent Baptist environment that hardwired me to submit, obey, and silence my own voice, especially as a woman. I was taught that having an opinion was rebellious and sinful, that my role was to be a quiet helpmeet to my husband, seen and not heard.
In the Bible Belt of the Southern U.S., a woman’s highest calling was to become the meek, mild “Proverbs 31 woman.”
But then there’s the idea of “Sassafrass.”
Growing up, “Sassafrass”—being bold or assertive—had a negative connotation. Today, I see it differently. Being sassy, speaking up, and claiming space feels like exactly what my heart needs.
Over time, I’ve come to realize how deeply my upbringing has impacted me. It embedded beliefs that left me taking blame for everything, bending myself to please others, and losing any sense of self in the process. It led to suppressed feelings, chronic depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. For years, being “a nice girl” meant I’d been walked over and taken advantage of by people who saw me as easy to mold to their agendas.
It’s time to break that cycle. Through therapy, I’ve been challenging the old conditioning that told me: “You’re the problem. Repent. Do better. Fix yourself.” Once I left the religious upbringing, that conditioning led me to thinking I could “fix” myself by taking endless courses, reading all the books, and gaining certification after certification—thinking one day, it would all click, I’d be “better,” and love and purpose would fall into place. But I’ve realized that as long as I was defining “Love” the way I was taught—something conditional, just out of reach, dependent on obedience—nothing would ever click.
In my upbringing, “Love” was taught as something to constantly chase, feeling fearful I’d never be worthy. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I had to repent daily, submit without question, and obey authority. No surprise, then, that as an adult, I carried those beliefs into my relationships, trying to prove I was worth loving and constantly blaming myself for any issues that arose. That cycle leads only to heartbreak and loss of self.
Now, I’m redefining love and starting with myself: self-kindness, self-advocacy, no longer allowing myself to be a doormat. If that means embracing my sassy side, breathing a bit more fire, so be it. My focus is filling my own cup first, letting that fullness ripple out to my interactions. True, unconditional love isn’t self-sacrifice or silence. I don’t believe in the J-O-Y principle—Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last—anymore. That mindset only made me vulnerable to manipulation and eroded my self-worth.
I’m done playing small, hiding, and shouldering blame for others. Trying to “earn” love by being meek and mild doesn’t get you a reward; it only leaves you buried under everyone else’s expectations, with no sense of who you are. It’s time to build a foundation of true self-trust and acceptance. That, to me, is success—a life filled with authentic love, drive, creativity, joy, and meaning. At the end of the day, I go to bed and wake up with myself, and that’s who I need to honor.
So here’s where Sass comes in. She’s my protector, my older sister, my mother bear, and my warrior. She’s the woman who speaks her truth, knowing her voice is valid. She’s here to help me reshape my life, own my story, and live unapologetically.
If any of this resonates with you, or if you’re tired of playing small, I invite you to join me. Let’s see where a little sass and self-trust can take us. Together, maybe we can spark something powerful.
